 |
INFORMATION SHEET
It is not uncommon for college students with learning disabilities
(LD) to want to become teachers. They have a strong desire to keep
others with LD from being treated as they were treated in school.
Likewise, it is not uncommon for parents with LD to be determined
that they will not treat their children as they themselves were
treated by their parents.
Unfortunately, the very nature of LD sometimes makes it difficult
to change patterns of behavior. Let us look at some of the reasons
why parents with LD find it difficult to be the ideal parents:
Possible Negative Aspects When Adults Have LD
- Feelings of inferiority combined with memories of their
own academic failure cause many parents with LD to shy away from
active participation in their children's education.
- Disorganization can be at the root of many problems:
failure to return signed forms, report cards, etc.; failure to
remember important dates such as PTA meetings or teacher conferences;
difficulty in providing an organized home environment for a child
with LD, etc.
- Expressive and receptive language deficits can create
communication problems between school personnel, parents who have
LD and the children of those parents.
- Academic deficits in reading, spelling, math, etc., cannot
only make it difficult to communicate with teachers, it can also
make assistance with homework impossible.
- Impulsivity can cause parents to make unwise and harmful
comments to teachers and others involved in the education and
care of children. Such comments can also render harm to children
themselves.
- Distractibility and short attention span can cause children
to feel that parents with LD are not interested or do not care
when it is apparent to the child that the parent is paying little
or no attention to what the child is saying.
- Interpreting body language incorrectly can cause parents
with LD to misinterpret the facial expressions and physical movements
of children and others.
- Tactile defensiveness can cause parents with LD to be
particularly sensitive to touch. With attention and work this
condition need not be life altering. Role playing and communication
within the family will lead to understanding and acceptance.
Positive Aspects of LD
Let us not imply that the picture of the parent with LD contains
only problems. There are many positive aspects as well. When used
appropriately, these strengths can easily make it possible for a
parent to compensate for the more difficult experiences that are
shared by the parent who is LD and their children.
- A high energy level can make it possible for parents
to participate in activities with their children long after other
parents have experienced exhaustion. Because of the presence of
more energy, such parents can often find it easier to work full
time, operate a household, as well as be a successful parent and
spouse.
- Coping skills that are exhibited by the parent with LD
can give children who also have LD (or perhaps some characteristics
of LD) encouragement as they attempt to mature and develop independence.
- Creativity is often an integral part of the lives of
adults with LD, and it may be found in many different forms including
art, music, dancing, writing poetry or stories, business ideas
or oral expression.
- Athletic ability of parents can aid in giving children
success in sports activities. When parents engage in sports activities
with their children, this helps improve the relationship between
parent and child.
Ways That Parents with LD Can Avoid or Compensate for Problem
Areas
- Think before you speak. Like toothpaste that has been
squeezed from a tube, words cannot be retracted. Thoughtless words
can cause damage. Never speak in anger. If you are angry, leave
the room until you can discuss the situation calmly and rationally.
- Never argue with a child. You cannot win! Take Rick Lavoie's
advice and use The Broken Record Approach. When a child wants
to stay out beyond the curfew, simply state the rule: "In
our home children under age 18 are home by midnight." Regardless
of what the child says, you repeat the rule. After a few minutes
of running into a brick wall, the child gives up, and you haven't
wasted energy trying to defend your position (which does not need
defending)
- Always maintain good communication with the child's school.
Use a notebook that is passed back and forth, pre-determined phone
calls, or e-mail messages. Just be sure that you communicate as
often as necessary with appropriate personnel at the school.
- Consider taking medication for ADHD, depression, or other
problems that may make it difficult for you to function as a parent
as well as you should. Discuss this with your physician if
there are concerns.
- When homework is a problem, find substitutes who can help
in your place. Often a teenager in the neighborhood or a teacher
would be willing to provide the skill that you may be lacking.
Check to see if your school system provides after school tutoring.
Also, some school systems have a homework hotline that children
may call for telephone assistance.
- Obtain remedial help with reading, spelling or mathematics
if your skills are low. Be sure to work with a trained LD
specialist. If you do not know anyone suitably qualified, call
the LDA of America (412-341-1515) or the LDA chapter in your state.
- Learn to be an advocate for your child. If your child
is older, teach self-advocacy skills. Although we have laws that
protect people who have disabilities, they are worthless when
they are not enforced. Advocacy is a must.
- Be well-informed about your LD and how it affects you.
You may need to work with an LD specialist or a psychologist so
that you can understand what your deficits are and how you can
compensate for them. For example, if you are disorganized, learn
to use a good daily planner, and use it faithfully.
- Consult a counselor if you have a problem with maintaining
relationships. It is not unusual for a parent with LD to have
a "racing mind." If this is the case, the parent may
think that a problem has been thoroughly discussed in 5 minutes
when the person who doesn't have LD and/or ADHD feels that 30
minutes to an hour would be needed. Learning how to improve communication
skills is a necessity.
- Learn the art of positive thinking. We often feel that
we have little to do with what happens to us. If you expect good
things to happen to you and your children, they have a much better
chance of happening if you have positive thoughts. Every day say
an appropriate positive statement several times such as "I
am a successful parent in a home filled with love and cooperation."
- Provide structure that is carefully pre-planned. Use
a day planner consistently. Use direct deposit so that paychecks
are not unintentionally left in a drawer, etc. Arrange to have
bills paid automatically whenever possible. Use checkbooks that
have carbon pages so that there will always be a record of checks
written. Use a home accounting software program. This will help
in paying taxes, and the checkbook will always be balanced.
Thus, adults who have LD have some traits that generate positive
effects and some that create negative effects. With planning, the
positive effects may be maximized, and the negative effects may
be minimized. With some effort and careful planning, being a parent
with LD can be an enriching and rewarding experience.
Prepared by:
LDA Adult Issues Committee
4156 Library Rd.
Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1349
March 2002 |
|
