Counseling Students with Learning Disabilities on Social Skills

Dale S. Brown

Many of your students have challenges that go beyond their problems with reading words. They also have trouble "reading" your face. They might not connect a cheerful smile with happiness. They not only have trouble connecting the sound "s" with the letter "s." They cannot necessarily connect an angry tone of voice with the emotion of anger.

Social skills problems are often part of learning disabilities. As teachers, you will find students who have major challenges getting along with others. And, unfortunately, that sometimes means your students may have trouble getting the most out of their relationship with you.

As a teacher, you reap many rewards; seeing the sparkle in the eye when they connect concept to written word, concentrating with your student as they apply themselves to the task at hand, knowing that you have been a crucial reason that they learned. You feel fulfilled when they thank you.

Socially skilled students are good at giving these rewards to their teachers, bosses, and other authority figures. They are able to make others feel good about helping them. Some students, including some of ours, lack the ability to make us feel good about helping them. They can be "unrewarding to work with." Yet, we must ask ourselves why we teach. Do we really teach for the gratitude of our students? It is the students who are hardest to work with who are the reason for the profession of teaching. If anyone could teach somebody to read, then there would be no need for the profession of teaching. It is the challenging students who are the reason for our jobs- and an opportunity for us to grow as we serve them.

Following are some tips for working with these students. These ideas were written in the context of the United States middle class culture. I beg the indulgence of the large number of you who are not working in that situation. Seek the ideas and theories behind the specific examples and apply them to your own student population.

No matter what their cultural background, people with learning disabilities are in culture shock in their own culture. Their perceptual problems have made it difficult for them to pick up the hidden rules that others know instinctively. These tips will help you help them learn these rules.

The student needs information about his difficulties and how these difficulties can affect his ability to get along with others. If they have trouble telling the difference between the "b" and "d" sound, they may also have trouble distinguishing between tones of voice. If they cannot see the difference between a "c" and an "o", they may not see the difference between a friendly smile and a phony one. You need to explain this to them at the appropriate time.
The student needs positive reinforcement. Learning disabled people struggle alone. Adults who are tackling learning to read need to understand that each step forward deserves rejoicing. The journey from the valley to the plain is not less worthy than the journey up the mountain. Some students will put themselves down and reject your praise. In that case, break the negative cycle of low self-esteem by saying things like:
*That is excellent. Feel the pride you deserve to feel.
*You have worked hard. People who work harder than others deserve to feel pride and happiness when they succeed.
Positive reinforcement must be realistic. On the other hand, students who have experienced a multitude of special services have often been overpraised or received praise that is based on lowered expectations. In this case, stick to reality. Students in this situation need to know that there is still a long journey ahead. They should feel pride- but the seed of pride should sprout hard work- not arrogance.
Acknowledge the difficulties caused by the learning disabilities. Learning disabilities challenge the student to organize their lives well and develop a strong social network. Unfortunately, because the disability is invisible, the student is likely to be constantly blamed for their poor behavior when they are not able to meet the challenge. Good phrases might include:
* "I appreciate you always coming on time and prepared. Many people aren't able to do that."
* "You are able to concentrate for longer and longer periods of time. Congratulations."
Talk to the student about his behavior. Be honest and respectful when you talk about what the student needs to do to improve their working relationship with you. Some people, particularly young adults, with learning disabilities are unaware of their effects on others. Be positive in your phrasing. State what you want to change and underemphasize what is going wrong. Show in your voice tone and body language the way that works and the way that doesn't work. Then show the way that works. Show the "good" way, the "bad" way, then the "good" way. Examples;
*Speak in a lower tone of voice. Speak like this, not like this (alternate your tone of voice to demonstrate.)
*Let's sit farther apart. (Move the chairs to demonstrate.)
*When you say things to me like that, I feel ordered around. Here's another way to express the same thought.
*I'd like it if you look at me when we talk. When your eyes wander around the room, I feel like you aren't listening to me. So, look at me in the eye.
Consider organizing a social group of your students. Poor social networks and isolation are a major challenge facing many people with learning disabilities. Consider starting a support group or social activity group. Your local Learning Disabilities Association of America may want to take on the job. Or a volunteer could be found through one of the volunteer clearinghouses. This endeavor is also worthy of staff time. Social skills are as important to success as academic skills. The networking that goes on in such a group can help the students and provide valuable "alumni" support to the center at a later time.

Helping your student learn to get along with you and with others can make a huge difference in their future. Learning about the particular challenges faced by these students can cause you to feel rewarded even if they are students who others find "unrewarding" to work with. Help your students to learn social skills and you will assist them for the rest of their life.

Learning Disabilities Association of America
4156 Library Road
Pittsburgh, PA 15234-1349
Phone (412) 341-1515 Fax (412) 344-0224
www.LDAAmerica.org